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By Mahmoud Alyazji
Abu Hamza is a former Palestinian prisoner. He was launched from Israeli jails in 2011, because of the ‘Wafaa al-Ahrar Prisoner Swap Deal’.
The 51-year-old man was arrested by Israeli occupation forces in 1993 and spent 18 years behind bars. He was detained from his house in BLA when Israel nonetheless occupied the Gaza Strip, earlier than the redeployment of 2005.
Abu Hamza was initially sentenced to 1 hundred and ten years in jail. He was accused of being a part of the resistance.
‘A Prisoner Dies Each Day’
Earlier than his arrest, Abu Hamza was married and a father to a child lady, Islam. When he was in jail, the one thought that stored him going was his daughter. He by no means had the possibility to see her take her first steps or hear her first phrases.
When he was taken to jail, Abu Hamza handed by his childhood mosque, which he thought he would see for the final time. He remembered pondering he would by no means pray there once more and bid a painful farewell to one of many solely peaceable locations he knew in Gaza.
Lengthy interrogations and tortures would comply with, some lasting greater than three days at a time.
When he was despatched to a cell, he discovered a brand new household among the many different Palestinian prisoners in his part. Though all of them did their greatest to supply solidarity in direction of each other, the cruelty of the Israeli jail system was stronger than friendship and household.
Abu Hamza would usually sit alone and consider his life. Generally, he wished he had died slightly than been held prisoner. ‘A prisoner dies day by day,’ he instructed me.
Sooner or later, Aby Hamza was sitting alone in his cell as his mates had been within the Fora – a small area for strolling allowed to detainees at sure instances. He was overwhelmed by a rush of feelings.
‘I mentioned, that’s it. I’ll spend the remainder of my life surrounded by these partitions. I’ll die right here. And whereas I used to be pondering of this, tears watered from my eyes. I begged my eyes to cease. I used to be afraid anybody would see me crying and consider me as weak. I’m not weak.’
A Second Household
Abu Hamza defined that nothing was worse than seeing his fellow prisoners undergo unjustly. After 18 years in jail, he started to see prisoners as his second household, till at the present time.
One of many hardest instances inside jail, in response to Abu Hamza, was when certainly one of his mates would howl with excruciating ache. Nobody might assist him. They’d name the jailer, however nobody would reply. Many individuals suffered critical illnesses, starting from continual again ache to a lot worse.
Abu Hamza’s well being suffered too. He spent 5 years affected by enamel aches, and he might solely deal with them with salt and water to numb the ache. ‘Each time the ache elevated, I put in additional salt,’ he mentioned.
Lastly, after 5 years, the jailers allowed him to go to the hospital the place they pulled out his enamel.
There have been no selections in jail, both you die from a illness otherwise you develop into hooked on painkillers, he instructed me. ‘They deal with a illness that will kill you. Nevertheless, if the illness gained’t kill you, they offer you painkillers and watch you undergo,’ he mentioned.
Abu Hamza survived by maintaining his reminiscences alive. With each meal, for instance, he remembered his mom’s scrumptious cooking. He might eat a hen alone, again house, however within the jail, one hen was divided amongst eight detainees. The starvation all the time compounded the agony and fatigue. His life was the other way up, just like the Maqluba his mother used to prepare dinner, he jokes, besides that the Maqluba was so scrumptious.
“I’ve by no means felt worse throughout my total jail time than the day we got our freedom! I had hallucinations, and I used to be so afraid,” Abu Hamza instructed me.
The Day of the Swap
A number of prisoners had been knowledgeable that they’d be freed in 4 days. They counted the minutes, fearing at each second that this was all a prank, a merciless joke with the aim of merely tormenting them.
“What in the event that they take us again to jail?” he agonized throughout these moments. “What if this swap fails and we die?”
The ‘What if’ despatched Abu Hamza and his mates to the brink of insanity, he instructed me.
On the day of the swap, the bus moved at 3 am. It moved very quick distances earlier than stopping for lengthy durations. Abu Hamza felt the bus cease and began once more tens of instances.
“I felt the wheels shifting in my coronary heart,” he recalled with a heavy sigh as if reliving that second of tension. They had been presupposed to be in Egypt at 9:30 am however by midday, they had been nonetheless stranded between jail and freedom. Everybody feared betrayal, however Abu Hamza held out to see his household, and particularly his solely daughter.
A few years have handed since that day, however Abu Hamza can’t disguise his unhappiness; not for leaving jail, after all, however for what was ready for him at house.
“After I was launched, my daughter had develop into a mom to 2 youngsters,” he instructed me with an anguished stare. “One of many youngsters was the age of my daughter once I was prisoned.”
‘I Dream of Troopers Chasing Me’
Outdoors the jail, the truth for Abu Hamza generally felt like an phantasm. “I might see individuals coming and going, speaking to me generally, however I didn’t really feel something.” He thought he can be blissful, however he didn’t really feel at house. He knew nothing of his road or his house. Life exterior jail appeared as if he was in a dream, even a nightmare.
“I nonetheless dream of jail. I dream of a soldier chasing me, imprisoning me, and throwing me into the torturing cell.”
Abu Hamza’s thoughts had develop into a brand new jail.
However he discovered peace praying in his outdated mosque, his favourite place. With a sorrowful voice, Abu Hamza requested me to hope for the prisoners he left behind.
‘Allah is aware of how a lot they undergo,’ he mentioned.
– Mahmoud Alyazji is a translator, a author and a video editor. WANN contributed this text to The Palestine Chronicle.
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