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The age-old problem of not being that young

by Asia Today Team
April 12, 2026
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Yesterday, by the easy exhalatory and exhilarating act of performing a blow job on a set of candle flames on a cake, I turned 55. Now, everyone knows that the mid-50s is the brand new midriff. However to cite St Shakira of Barranquilla, Colombia, hips do not lie. Neither do the decrease again, neck muscular tissues, and, on sure days, the longer bits of the legs.

However what mobile degradation has come to turn out to be as of late, I – the entity a number of millimetres behind my eyes with whom my physique has collaborated for the final 55 years – nonetheless really feel (learn: behave) that I am max 30. Now, over the previous couple of years or so, I have been very conscious of dying, due to family members and acquaintances which have died. However on my birthday, I wasn’t obsessing about dying. I used to be fixating on age. And no, it is not ‘only a quantity’.

In no different career is age such an enormous deal because it’s in rock’n’roll. Sportspersons dwell off their youth, at the same time as what it’s to be younger in sports activities has been extending increasingly more as of late with the most recent scientific regimens, diets, and inspiring contracts. However as soon as extendibility has been actually expended, sports activities people go, disappear, retire.

Not so with rock musicians. Elvis was 42 when he died bloated in 1977. Little Richard died in 2020 aged 87, and Chucky Berry in 2017 at 90, with neither performing after they have been rickety previous – in contrast to James Brown, ‘godfather of soul’, whom I noticed carry out at Glastonbury like a Gandalf dervish, two years earlier than he died aged 73 in 2006.

The truth is, we now have, for the primary time, professionals who had constructed their entire careers and reputations celebrating being younger – what else is ‘intercourse and medicines and rock’n’roll’? – and proceed their day jobs of their dotage. The irony, typically, could be as sharp a bank card making traces.

And but, I’ve come to understand that there is one thing particular right here at play. Exemplified by Dylan’s – not Bob, however Thomas – hottest traces: ‘Don’t go light into that good night time,/ Previous age ought to burn and rave at shut of day.’ The bummer is just not dying, it is age.

No previous particular person is held up as a posterboy-girl in any performative tradition. However when the aged ‘carry on rolling’ within the youthful stomping grounds of pop-rock music, it could actually go both means: you might be disturbed by, however politely settle for, the previous particular person pretending to be younger. Or, you might be amazed.

Like Iggy Pop’s 2023 Montreux Jazz Pageant efficiency of ‘Gimme Hazard’. Iggy, because the frontman of the Stooges within the 60s-70s, was the wiry beast of punk rock. He was the previous diesel growl of ‘I Wanna Be Your Canine’, ‘Search and Destroy,’ ‘The Passenger’, ‘Nightclubbing’, and even the genteel-er midlife strummings of ‘Sweet’ and ‘Nazi Girlfriend’.

However on my birthday week, I noticed him, bare-chested as common, however bodily wanting like a 900-year-old troll, his physique exhibiting leather-based couch handles, performing ‘Gimme Hazard’ in Montreux. His singing was (nonetheless) druid-magic. However I detected darker, extra phosphorescent overtones that got here along with his 75 years that was, nicely, Mephistophelian {that a} youthful age cannot conjure up as a result of it merely hasn’t been round but.

Whereas the Who’s ‘My Era’ snarled and stuttered, ‘Issues they do look terrible c-c-cold/ Hope I die earlier than I get previous,’ the Rolling Stones, as soon as the embodiment of harmful youth, at the moment are Remembrance of Pre-Woke Issues Previous. Younger folks turned previous offering an (ironic?) veneer for the younger to think about past a scoff.

Age, in contrast to dying, is negotiable. You’ll be able to carry out it, parody it, even weaponise it. However ‘behaving one’s age’ means bollocks to me. Till I begin panting when the escalator to the metro platform I am standing on appears to be too quick for my liking. WTF?



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