SINGAPORE: A 23-year-old girl is questioning whether or not she’s overreacting after a male colleague, about 10 years older than her, allegedly continued messaging her even after she informed him he had crossed her private boundaries and requested to maintain their relationship strictly skilled.
In response to her publish on the r/asksg discussion board, the person works in one other staff inside the identical division and is a part of the lunch group she often joins. Since becoming a member of the corporate earlier this yr, she stated he had singled her out by giving her “further private consideration” by non-public messages, invites, and frequent check-ins that made her more and more uncomfortable.
At first, she tried to quietly distance herself, hoping the state of affairs would fizzle out by itself. However he later messaged her asking why she had turn out to be “quiet round him.”
Believing she had no alternative however to deal with the problem instantly, she despatched him a message explaining that his total sample of behaviour had crossed her private boundaries and requested that they hold their relationship strictly skilled transferring ahead.
“He agreed,” she wrote, “however later shared our non-public boundary textual content with a colleague as a result of he ‘couldn’t perceive’ my response.”
For the following few weeks, issues appeared to cool down. Though they have been nonetheless a part of the identical lunch group, they’d no direct interactions, and she or he believed the matter had lastly been resolved.
Nonetheless, whereas he was out of the workplace, the colleague contacted her once more, asking if they may speak so he might perceive what had gone flawed and transfer previous the awkwardness.
She selected to not reply.
In response to the lady, he then adopted up with one other prolonged message, going by a number of previous interactions one after the other in an try to clarify his intentions.
“I didn’t reply, and he despatched one other lengthy message breaking down a number of particular previous interactions to justify his intentions. Right here’s the factor, I had by no means given him a listing of incidents; he recognized all these uncomfortable moments utterly on his personal.”
“Now I really feel dragged again into a difficulty I assumed was closed. I by no means needed to escalate the state of affairs; we work in the identical division, and I needed to deal with it privately. He’s additionally fairly well-known across the agency and shut with folks throughout completely different departments, together with HR.”
Feeling emotionally drained and uncertain what the colleague was actually making an attempt to attain, she requested fellow Singaporeans: “Is he genuinely making an attempt to be taught, or is that this simply defensive boundary-pushing as a result of he’s uncomfortable with the gap I set?”
“Am I this from the flawed POV? In case you have been in my sneakers, would you reply to him, or simply depart it up to now?”
“Accumulate proof and get HR concerned”
Many Redditors felt the colleague’s behaviour was inappropriate and urged her to doc the whole lot in case the state of affairs escalated.
The highest remark learn, “Perhaps you must elevate your considerations together with your supervisor? As a result of that is low-key creepy and bordering on harassment.”
One other stated, “Typical creep behaviour. To guard your self, screenshot all of your messages with him earlier than he deletes them. Ignore him or say, ‘You make me uncomfortable, please don’t message me privately once more.’”
A 3rd wrote, “In case you give him the advantage of the doubt and proceed to be well mannered with him, he could take it the flawed manner or attempt to take benefit by pushing extra boundaries. Accumulate proof and get HR concerned.”
Others additionally advised avoiding the lunch group altogether.
“Simply discover one other lunch group or eat alone,” one consumer informed her. “That is what occurs when a person can’t take no for a solution. The colleague whom he confirmed the dialog to might be one other man and stated, ‘She is enjoying arduous to get.’”
The Ministry of Manpower (MOM) advises staff dealing with office harassment to maintain their distance from the harasser the place potential, use a buddy system, search assist utilizing a pre-arranged misery sign, and familiarise themselves with their firm’s office harassment procedures.
If the behaviour continues or escalates, staff are inspired to report the incident to a supervisor, supervisor, HR consultant, or another impartial social gathering.
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